confusing mind

It's been a long time for my blog.
And I try to write it in English, though I'm not good at it.

I'm confused recently, and sometimes, I don't know what the life I live.
Sure, I work, I work everyday, and sometimes I work pretty hard, always overwork.
But what about my personal life? Any serious relationship? Not really had.
I just watched a TV series, called "Californication", that was introduced by a friend, it talks about a guy who was a writer before but he stops writing until his ex-wife's boyfriend gives him a job to write a blog. Is it strange? Yes, it is, but sometimes, life is strange as this, such as mine.

I don't want to talk about my personal life, but this TV series, I mean the guy, make me think of myself, just he's a man and I'm a woman. Sometimes, I think I pretty much fucked my life, too many meaningless dates, though I'm still kind and sweet as he is.

And just like him, I haven't written anything but work for a long long time. You know, I miss it, writing something to myself, yes, to myself, writing is the most efficient way to communicate with myself, not communicate with others. OK, you might think I'm too self-centered, yes, I am, but if it the only way that you can true to yourself, what do you do? You must do the thing as I do.

I like men, I really like, though sometimes, I don't, and as the guy in the TV series, I really believe he's true every woman, only at short period. Sometimes, you just fucked up the relationship and don't know why. Or sometimes, I just think, I might be a man, but sometimes I think I'm not, I'm pretty a woman. Maybe cuz my personality, or maybe everyone meets this situation, or maybe I just drink too much and think of these crapes.

Should stop this confusing mind of mine, and back to my normal and healthy life. But, is it life normal and healthy, I just don't know, just hope it is, and will follow it as I can.