The Patterns of Fate of the Palm--The First Unsent Love Letter

When she touches his hand at the first time, it's already 4am.

This big bony hand still can feel the smoothness and gloss that doesn't belong to a man.

Through the dialects between hands and the patterns of fate, they start to dig out the background of each other, the unpredictable future, and also the sweat, the trembling, the heart beat through their holding hands, entangled fingers.

The mood arouse their emotion, make the passionate but uncertain love affair go on and on. In the confused, disturbed atmosphere, she just dodges and avoid any tenderness, obsession and even doubts through his eyes. There are some certain scenes, familiar faces, the never-ending stories in her mind during the intense interlacing of them.

5 Fragments of film

I.

That is not Yo Yo Ma
And not Bach for sure
What I want is to ignite the gunpowder
Just in the bar of the Buenos Aires
Blow up



II.

In the beginning, there comes out the word "Blade"
Is it the relationship what we got?
And then I found another word "Entangled"
Then I truly hope that has never happened, Le Roseaux sauvages of mine


III.

Look, there is no expression on her face
But the connection between us is written between her joints
When my left little finger moves, her right knee will feel the happiness
Then my right forefinger tics, her left wrist senses the sadness
I seem to know her, or maybe I don't
The Double Life of Veronique, the common name of mine and hers


IV.


Applause with feet
Even I don't have the arms like commons
Swing with all my happiness
I still have my sense
Just there, in the second joint of little toe of My Left Foot


V.

Before the spacecraft departed, It still remembered to look back
The shinning sunlight is reflected from the huge apron
Then aroused it to cry
Just at the moment while it saw its wife
Her black huge body with six feet
Standing above Dune

Disinfected Water and The Regular Disinfected Swimming Pool

1988, September
She dreamed about a bottle of water.

The windowsill of the dark kitchen. The refrigerator with the reddish-beown rust handle. The ceramic tile with blue and white lattice pattern. The moon lacks of a piece. The second layer white lattice of the refrigerator. There is a bottle of water.


1988, May
The second floor of Fule Building on the Dunhua north road. The VIP room of the Solar System MTV. Mr. Y, Miss H, Mr. G, Mr. K and her. 72-inch projecting screen. Yoshimitsu Morita and Banana Yoshimoto, Matsuda Yūsaku was not there. It is a fairy-tale movie. It talks about a weird family, inexplicable friendly attitude, the relationship with distance, as well as a variety of cooking process. The transparent tea pot and glass with icy black tea, the salad bowl, the salad sauce, the crispy deep-fried pork chop with rice, and the fruit mixer with blue dim of happiness in the dark. Simply happiness. Of course, the refrigerator, beneath the windowsill of the dark kitchen. That is the only source of light.


1989, Match
She dreamed about a bottle of water constantly. Dreamed about the refrigerator. That dark kitchen. The only source of light is the bottle of water in the refrigerator.

According Banana Yoshimoto's novel, "Kitchen" is the only place that Sakurai can fall asleep after her grand mom's death, strictly definition is "slept beneath the refrigerator", the place that is closed to that bottle of water. But for Yoshimitsu Morita, "the dark kitchen" and "the white old-modeled refrigerator" is the opening of the film, the dim light is the romantic way of hope. The visual is neat and fine. The novel is with some certain smell of death.

She likes the visual of Yoshimitsu Morita. It builds the beauty of dream and illusion that only can be imaged.
The world should not be like this. Impossible to be like this. She imaged the relationship in the film, a stranger could adapted another stranger just because she looks like the dog that he had before. She met one guy who told her she looks like the dog he had before. So, she wrote an unpublished story talks about adapting person like adapting dog.

But, she still likes Banana more than Yoshimitsu Morita. That novel with the smell of death is with the cold mood which is still with some warmth, and the story line that is almost insane but still rational, is so much alike the fairy-tale, that is not polluted by the reality world.


1989, December
Lately autumn and early winter is the most beautiful season in Taipei. Walked outside the Theatre, and felt the cool air. Imagined the feeling of jumping into the swimming pool in the winter under 15 degree. Imagined Michitaka Tsutsui with his goggles stayed in the swimming pool. Breath.


1989, December, 24th
Dreamed about the bottle of water for a long time. But, it wasn't in the refrigerator, it was beneath the swimming pool.


1993, February
The strange linkage between Banana Yoshimoto and Joji Matsuoka. Must be a sense of foreboding of sadness. Banana's is a strange touching thought very closed to the death. Matsuoka's is the sense of absolute compulsory. Maybe because that goldfish is dumb. The water in my memory is still, like the water in the disinfected swimming pool, or just the bottle of water which is in the refrigerator. The disinfected water maybe clean but won't be free.


1994, One Noon in June
Passing by the flow of people on the street is so much alike floating in the sea. Walking in the city is more like in the swimming pool. Just read the comics talking about the supernatural power legends of the man-kind mermaid. Feel the environment surround became to under water world, and the crowds are so much like the seaweed, sea anemones, or plankton, and the flow of the water became the humming sound that was created in a confined space, she thought she might be just a little fish. A dumb fish which was stocked in the swimming pool. She constantly dreamed about the bottle of water. Longing for swimming. Drowned in the water is her best wish.